Mitch Albom gave his character, the Blue Man, a thought provoking line in "The Five People You Meet in Heaven": "Fairness does not govern life or death. If it did then no good man would ever die young... There are no random acts. Good comes from it..."

I have been thinking about this quote a lot lately as I have seen more people my age or younger become my patients, and even more so upon learning of the unexpected death of a high school classmate. The temptation is strong to cry out, "God it so totally unfair!" But God's promise isn't to negate hurt or eliminate sorrow. God does promise to so support us with the rod of divine authority and the staff of shepherding comfort that when we walk through the valley of the shadow of death (and we will, often many times with ourselves and side by side with others) we will fear no evil.

Death is what it is, and I am still angry when I am made aware of the death of someone, "far too young". But the real enemy is fear. And God does promise that together we will overcome fear.

Where to find us?

There are a number of "brick and mortar" book stores that carry "We Do Remember You" and "A Letter From Heaven".

Look for my books at:

Venti's Casa; Lenoir NC

Inspiration Station; Hudson NC

Cornerstone Christian Book Store; Lenoir NC

Caldwell County Heritage Museum; Lenoir NC

And of course there are even more online outlets where you can find either or both of the books:

www.amazon.com

www.bn.com

www.authorhouse.com

www.enheartpublishing.com

www.alibris.com

www.alexandrasrose.net

www.swap.com

www.paperbackswap.com

http://half.ebay.com

Interviewing on National TV

Now that my interview on the Balancing Act has aired twice, I'd like to spend this space in reflecting on the process of the interview itself. First of all, Production coordinator Cindy Roussin & Host, Kristy Villa were tremendous people to work with and their professionalism is responsible for the quality of the interview as you see it either on TV http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=CfghxZdbP9I, or on Facebook or You Tube.

I'm pleased that many people have commented on how composed I came across on TV, but I can see two distinct places where my nervousness came in to play, illustrated by anticipating and answering Kristy's question as she was asking it. You see I was given a list of topics to be covered in the interview well in advance and spent most of my train ride down rehearsing my responses and timing them to fit the 5 minute time limit for the interview. See if you can spot the two places i jumped the gun.

But at the end of the day, I felt like we communicated what needed to be said about the books and about this part of my personal path of mourning. Thank you for your kind words about the interview and thank you very much to "The Balancing Act" for inviting me to interview.

Our Pets - Our Families

Earlier this month, I was very honored to be asked to offer a "Blessing of the Animals" at the re-dedication of our county's animal shelter. Besides blessing the animals housed in the shelter, I was able to offer blessing to the many pets who were brought to the shelter for the free rabies vaccinations offered that day. The day certainly reminded me (as if my Trooper would ever let me forget) that our pets are very much part of our families. And very often, the first experience of death & grief for a child comes with the death of a beloved pet. One of my favorite books speaking to this subject is "A Special Place for Charlee" by Debby Morehead and published by Partners in Publishing., what are besides taking the reader through the life of the dog, Charlee and her family from puppyhood through the end of Charlee's life, the author shows us how the family memorialized their beloved pet's memory.

So let me ask you, what are some of your most appreciated books about pet loss and grief?

Video Tune In

http://www.thebalancingact.com/video/?v=LFUIDU2XR03203

I am so excited about this segment coming up on the Balancing Act. The details for those who haven't heard yet but the air date is Tuesday, October 18th, 7-8 am ET . Lifetime is channel 108 on DISH Network and channel 252 on Direct TV. You'll need to check the channel number for your local cable.

Steve Butler on the BALANCING ACT

It's too soon to say that the wait is over but I do know that my interview concerning my books will be aired on O2 Media's program, the Balancing Act, shown on Lifetime Television Tuesday, October 18. During the interview, I'll talk with host Kristy Villa about the story of our grand-daughter Alexandra, the role of rituals in reinforcing our memories. I really hope you'll tune in to the show.

By the way, look for more information about watch parties, book signings, and other special events as I get them scheduled.

Reflections on Waiting

I have to admit, I thought that by this time I'd be posting information about when my appearance on the Balancing Act would be airing. But lacking that, I will reflect on this process of waiting for the editing to be done and the show to go on.

By nature, I am not a patient person. It's not that I am impulsive, but once a thing has begun I want completion. Of course the analogy to grieving is staring me in the face. Grieving doesn't have a clear ending point, even though for most of us the beginnings of grief are very clear. In fact, it is very often precisely when we think that grief has been overcome that it raises its head and bites us the hardest. So we wait - and write - and wait some more. But as Jesus said to his best friends, "You will grieve and mourn... but your grief WILL turn to joy." (John 16 NIV)

Seven books available

A church that has put A Letter From Heaven & We Do Remember You in their library has paid for donating 7 books of either book or both in combination to any organization or institution who would like them. This donation includes the shipping. So if you would the books for your organization, please either comment to this post or send me message on my Steve Butler Facebook page and I'll get those books off to you as quickly as I can.

Legacies

I just finished a project on Facebook called the "30 day song challenge". I was given 30 distinct (sometimes the categories were mirror opposites of one another), and my task was to go onto YouTube and find a song that fit that category; then post the video on my Facebook wall. It didn't take to long for me to realize that what I was really doing was creating a musical legacy of , myself. For example, Day 15 asks for "a song that describes you": the lyrics of the 2nd verse of Steve Goodman's "The City of New Orleans": "mothers with their babes asleep, are rockin' to the gentle beat, and the rhythm of the rails are all they feel." That's me, and that's my mom!

The 30 days' worth of music have certainly painted a picture of my values, my fantasies (air guitar-ing to Boston's "Peace of Mind), and my memories. The end result can certainly be described as part of my legacy to my children, grand-children, etc. We build our legacies, we make memories every day, and when it is time for us to grieve the death of someone we love, we do remember.

Alexandra's 7th angel-versary

Our granddaughter, Alexandra Nicole entered and left this world on July 6, seven years ago. As I draw ever near to my own 60th anniversary of birth - I am drawn to the question of meeting the granddaughter I met so briefly years ago in the eternal realm. The question I am about to pose, I don't ask from the perspective of belief or doctrine; but rather from the perspective of personal hope and anticipation: that is, How shall I recognize Alexandra? Will I meet a baby? Has she grown and matured in the care of the Eternal One? In Mitch Albom's book, "The Five people You Meet in Heaven" the wife of the main character, Eddie, who died from cancer several years before Eddie's death appears to Eddie as the young girl he met & married. But as they dance, Eddie asks her to reveal herself as the middle-aged woman nearing her own death. And then there is the story of a patient who once told me of a near death experience in which at the end of the tunnel of light he meets a teenaged girl, whom he doesn't recognize but feels a strong connection. She invites the man to look deeply into her eyes. He excalims, "You remind me of my wife, but you have my chin and jaw." She said, "do you remember the baby of yours and mam's who died as an infant 18 years ago, the baby you named Annie? I am she."

Many questions, many mysteries, no real answers. But what are your hopes? I think mine are to meet a young woman, with whom I can share stories, share memories I have of her mother as a young child, and learn from her about living in the very presence of God.

BIG NEWS!!!

OK Everyone ---
On August 15th I'll be taping a segment on the Lifetime Television morning show,
"The Balancing Act". I'll be talking about "We Do Remember You" and the importance of creating rituals to help us DO our grief. Now this is the taping day, I don't know yet when the segment will air, but I think it be be aired in late September. I will post when I learn the exact showing date.

How do you remember?

On a couple of groups of which I am a participant, one on Facebook & one on LinkedIn, I've been listening to people sharing some of their stories of how they remember the anniversaries of their loved one's death; especially when their loved ones are children. So it has gotten me to thinking - what are your personal rituals of remembrance for deceased loved ones? If you would like to share your stories, please post on the FB wall of alexandrasrose.net

Not about grieving

I need to depart from my usual topics to tip the hat to Barcelona for their 3-1 win over Manchester United in the UEFA Champions League. One can absolutely make the case that they are the best team in any team sport in the world at this moment. And while I'm at it, is anyone else as frustrated as I get when I hear a team who has just won a league title in a U.S. Big 4 sport call themselves "World Champion"? Just saying...

Thank you

One of my favorite lines in "We Do Remember You" is a line I didn't write. In the litany, "We Remember Them" the final response says:
"...As long as we live they, too, shall live,
For they are a part of us
We Remember Them".

That is the whole point: as long as we remember our deceased loved ones, especially our children, not only do they live in our hearts, but their story is kept alive for others to know.

2 more things: Thanks to all who have pushed this blog to 20 followers on "Networked Blogs" - I really appreciate it - AND - very soon I'm going to report a big kudo for the books. I know it is going to happen, I am waiting for the when to splash the news all over the blog, the FB page, twitter, and LinkedIn. Stay tuned!!!

First Mother's Day without Mom

Today Dad, my wife Martha, and I went to Mom's marker and laid roses from each family member on the grave. Mom's rose is at the bottom of the marker, beautiful Dewar's White Label Rose (I'm not sure Mom woulld be thrilled with the name, but it is a pretty rose). Alexandra's Rose is the pink rose, left-center. I'm glad that in this way, Mom can have her whole family around her. Happy Mother's Day everyone.

It's Spring!

... and flowers are budding and blooming all over our house. If you've read "A Letter From Heaven" you know about Alexandra's rose bush and the first bloom that we found. Well ever since we planted that bush, nearly every thing we plant each year is planted and maintained in honor or memory of a family member or friend. I love this time of year because so many of the plants are blooming for the time time right about now. So in that spirit of rebirth and new growth, I offer to you a part of the prayer of blessing for plants in "We Do Remember You"
"Help us tend this plant with the same love and care with which we hold to our memories...We are thankful for life and for the hope that each new bloom gives to us. Amen."

The power of music

I have used music in caring for patients for many years. The calming effect music can have is palpable. I am very appreciative of the work of people like Tami Briggs and Cass Jendurzski to create musical environments that give support, comfort, and relaxation even in times as stressful as an end of life vigil. But I want to express gratitude for the work of Paul Alexander and griefsong.com for creating music especially for the kinds of rituals of remembrance that I talk about in We Do Remember You. It is amazing music; enriching the spirit.

Art and Grieving

Tonight I have been admiring the framed original drawing of Alexandra's parents and grandparents holding one another after she died which Vaun Healey, a wonderful local artist drew for one of the illustrations in "A Letter From Heaven". We are blessed in Caldwell County with so very many terrific artists. Our walls at home are graced by the talents of Mary Dobbin, Charlie Frye, Shirley Story, Margaret Martine, Lorraine Cloer, Marti Kardol, Cathy Taylor, Cathy McCoy, and Yvonne Wilz. The pottery of Juanita Carlton & Pat Jordan are put to good use in our home and offices. These people have such unique and special gifts. And it is an honor and a privilege to have their creativity and commitment as part of our community. Blessings to them and to all who are touched by their work.

Redesigned website

Hey everyone!!! Check out the completely redesigned www.alexandrasrose.net

Help me with setting up signings & readings

Would you favorite book store, house of worship, conference, or professional organization enjoy having me come for a reading and/or book signing? Talk to them and or talk to me and let's travel!

A new review for WDRY from Midwest Book Review

Go to this link: www.midwestbookreview.com/cbw/mar_11.htm